Memories of Christmas Past
by Mulderette
Summary: During a Christmas party for underprivileged children, Callen revisits a childhood Christmas of his own.


_Spending this Christmas in a rehab, facility recovering from surgery, which inspired this little tale. I hope you enjoy it. Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and beautiful holiday season whatever you celebrate. Thanks for reading :)_

xxxxx

Sam stood in a corner of Deeks' bar, his eyes on his partner who seemed about a million miles away. Callen's own gaze was focused on the last few children in line to see Santa Claus. "You okay, Sam?" Deeks asked, coming up beside him.

"I'm good." Sam nodded and turned to Deeks with a smile. "This was a great thing you and Kensi did, hosting this party for the kids." The team had gotten together to provide a party for many of the city's impoverished and homeless children. Thanks to the donation of the bar by Deeks and a large monetary donation by Hetty for food and gifts, the party had been successful beyond what they could have imagined.

"It was the least we could do. Anyhow, the kids all look so happy..." Deeks turned to watch the children for a few moments. "It didn't take a lot for us to totally make the day for these children."

"No, it didn't." Sam's thoughts went to his own kids and the memories he had of their Christmases in the past. Priceless memories that he was grateful for every day. His children had never been without food, clothing or shelter. Sam and Michelle had done everything in their power to provide a safe and happy home for Aiden and Kamran. Ultimately, his children had tragically lost their mother, but at least they'd had her in their formative years. He looked at his partner thoughtfully again, wondering where G's thoughts were traveling to.

"Looks like things are winding down," Deeks said.

"Lots of really happy kids though. You did good, Deeks."

"I just provided the venue. We all did good," Deeks corrected.

xxxxx

After the party had ended and the last child had left, Bertie and the team got to work cleaning up and making the bar spic and span again. "I'm going to fix you all some burgers," Bertie said to the gathering which included Deeks, Kensi, Eric, Nell, Callen and Sam. "I didn't see any of you eat a bite today."

"We were pretty busy, but we ate here and there, ma," Deeks said, getting up from his chair. "But, I admit, I'm starving and burgers sound perfect. I'll help you."

"Such a good boy, Martin," Bertie said proudly, squeezing his cheek. "Come on then. These won't take long at all."

Just then, a rendition of "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" came on over the speakers. Eric and Nell looked at each other, grinned and both got up to dance. They were both dressed appropriately as elves in colorful red, green and white costumes. They had been quite the hit with the kids at the Christmas party. Kensi, sitting with Callen and Sam, couldn't help but notice that Callen's head was not in the room and Sam was staring at his partner. "I'm going to go help Deeks and Bertie," Kensi said, quickly getting to her feet. No one answered.

xxxxx

"G?" Sam said softly after he and Callen were alone. Callen didn't respond to him.

"G?" He repeated louder this time, reaching over to gently squeeze Callen's shoulder. "Where have you been today, buddy?"

Finally, Callen came out of his silent contemplation and focused on Sam. "I've been right here," he replied with a smirk. "You didn't see me?"

"Come on, don't mess with me. You've been in a whole other world for most of the day."

"It's nothing." Callen shifted in his seat and stared down at the table, avoiding Sam's eyes. "I think the party was a great success. Don't you?"

"I do." Sam nodded. "The kids seemed to have a terrific time."

"So, I'm not getting the issue." Callen seemed genuinely confused. "Did I not help enough? Is that it?"

"You know better," Sam said shaking his head. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But I'm here if you want to."

"It's just...all of these kids here today, having a fun time at Christmas...it brought back memories…"

Sam practically held his breath, as he wondered if G would go on. His best friend usually kept his past bottled up with a very tight cork. However, once in a while, he would let go and some of the memories would seep out.

Callen sighed heavily. It was one of the times he'd tried to keep buried, but at certain times, especially holidays, the memories came to the forefront…

xxxxx

"_Please let me go! I'll be good! I'll be good!" Terrified, 5-year-old Callen had backed against the wall by the top of the staircase, his drunken foster father swigging from a bottle of beer and approaching him with a menacing look on his face._

"_Damn right you'll be good, boy!" he screamed, hitting the child so hard in the face that his head slammed against the wall. "I'll teach you a lesson you won't soon forget!"_

"_No!" Callen had tried to escape, but had lost his balance and tumbled down the stairs, slipping off into oblivion._

_When he'd awoken, he'd been in a room with bright lights overhead. There were people everywhere, unfamiliar voices talking to him, trying to soothe him, but he'd wanted none of it. He'd screamed for them to leave him alone, ignoring the horrible pain in his leg and wrist, screaming whenever they touched him. They had put a big needle in his hip, then he had fallen asleep and the pain had stopped. _

_He'd awoken alone in an unfamiliar, dimly lit room. The bed had rails on the sides. His wrist and leg had hurt terribly and he'd seen that they were both wrapped up in something heavy. He couldn't even lift his leg from the bed. The tears had immediately come. "Mama?" he called out. "Mama, please come." Knowing she wasn't going to come just made him sob harder. "Mama, mama, please come." He was alone and in pain and he didn't know why this was happening to him. He tried to be a good boy. It wasn't fair. All he wanted was for his mother to come. She would hug him and stroke his head and make everything all better. Mama, please come… please…"_

_Just when he was on the verge of crying himself back to sleep, the door to Callen's room opened. Callen's blue eyes opened wide upon seeing who was there. "Santa?" he whispered, eying the large, red-suited stranger with trepidation. "Santa? Is that really you?"_

"_Ho, ho, ho, yes it's really me, Callen. Mind if I take a seat?"_

_Callen shook his head, still wide-eyed that Santa was actually here with him._

"_Thank you, lad," Santa said as he sat down beside Callen. "It's been a long night."_

"_You have lots of houses to visit, Santa?" Callen asked, his mind now fully off his pain and onto his visitor. _

"_Something like that," Santa said with a deep chuckle before gazing thoughtfully at the youngster in front of him. "So, how are you doing?"_

_Callen sighed, a heavy sigh for one so young. "I...I fell down stairs…"_

_Santa nodded, his eyes sad. "I know it doesn't seem so now, but you'll mend up quickly and then you'll be stronger than ever."_

_Callen nodded then sighed again. "I miss my momma...She, she died."_

"_I'm sorry, son. I'm sure you miss your momma very much. I know things are hard for you right now, but that's how life is sometimes. You're a strong and good-hearted boy, Callen. Things will be alright."_

"_Okay." Callen didn't really believe him, but he knew better than to contradict adults, especially Santa Claus._

_Santa gently tousled Callen's hair. "I've got to go now, lad, but I have a few gifts for you here to make the time go by a little faster."_

"_Gifts for me?" Callen asked, brightening. His foster father had already said there would be no Christmas gifts. This was an unexpected bonus._

"_All for you," Santa said, handing Callen a brightly wrapped gift. "Do you need help?" he asked as Callen struggled a little to open the present with only one arm available._

_Callen shook his head. "I've got it." He finally got the paper off the present to reveal a jigsaw puzzle, picturing Frosty the Snowman. "I love it. Thank you, Santa."_

"_You're very welcome," Santa said, handing the boy another gift._

_Callen took the present, looking somewhat awestruck that he had another gift to open. He opened it and yelped in excitement. "Legos!"_

"_Now they might be a little difficult to use while your arm is in the cast," Santa cautioned, but you'll be good as new soon enough and then you'll be able to use them to your heart's content. _

_Callen nodded, his eyes on the box. "I never thought I could have Legos of my very own."_

"_And here's one more present for you. It's the last gift but maybe the most important one of all."_

_Callen took the present, his expression solemn as he opened the gift. When he did so, he found a large teddy bear with expressive brown eyes. He was very fluffy and had a bandage on his arm and leg, just like Callen. "He's hurt?" Callen asked, looking sad._

"_He's a little bit hurt, just like you, lad," Santa said reassuringly. "He's going to get better when you do and until that time, he will be right with you. You can talk to him and tell him all your secrets."_

_Callen considered that for a few moments before nodding. "What's his name?" _

"_You can name him anything you want."_

"_I think I'll name him Fred," Callen said after thinking about it. "And I can keep him always?"_

"_You can keep him just as long as you want," Santa said. He then slowly got to his feet. "I've got to go now, Callen, lots more little boys and girls to see tonight. You be a good boy and take good care of Fred, okay?"_

"_I will," Callen said, holding the bear tightly against his chest. "I love him." _

"_I can see that," Santa said gruffly. He reached down and patted Callen's head. "Merry Christmas, Callen."_

"_Merry Christmas, Santa. Thank you." _

_xxxxx_

"I really loved that bear," Callen said, still lost in his thoughts. "Fred got me through a lot of rough times…"

"What happened to him?"

Nell's voice startled Callen out of his reverie and he came back into the present to find the whole team watching him, including Bertie. What the hell? How had he gotten so caught up in the past that he had relayed that story to them all? He could feel his cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.

"Callen?" What happened to the bear?" Nell asked again with tears in her eyes.

"I gave him to a foster kid when I was 12. He...he needed him more than I did." The child, an 8-year-old boy named Ryan had been badly beaten. Callen had been more than happy to give up the bear in the hopes that Fred could help Ryan the way he'd helped Callen through the years.

"You poor, sweet boy." Bertie drew Callen in for a hug then kissed the top of his head.

"Why don't we eat?" Deeks broke in, seeing how uncomfortable Callen was being the center of attention. "These burgers are going to get cold."

Everyone murmured their assent and soon the conversation lightened and easy-going banter returned as the team munched on their burgers and fries and drank their beers and other assorted drinks.

"You good, G?" Sam asked after Callen had eaten half of his burger and appeared to have regained his composure.

"I'm fine, Sam...Really…"

"I'm really sorry you had to go through those things," Sam said, his eyes filled with emotion. "You didn't deserve that...nobody does."

Callen sighed as he sat back in his chair. He didn't want to talk about it anymore, but Sam certainly hadn't forced him to blabber the story the way he had. He didn't know what had possessed him to open up that way. "You're right, Sam. No child deserves that, but the truth is, it wasn't just me. There are millions of kids with similar stories. Deeks had his share of childhood woes too. It just happened. It's in the past and I got through it."

Sam nodded. "Okay, it's just…"

"Just what, Sam?" Callen gave in, knowing Sam wasn't going to let go of the topic.

"I just...I wish I could do something for you...you know...to help…"

Callen smirked, not unkindly. "You could find Fred for me and bring him back."

"I'm serious, G."

Callen shook his head then sighed heavily. "I know you are. But there's just nothing you can do, Sam. It was just the day, seeing all these kids, I started thinking about what they've gone through in their lives and it just brought that time back to me. I'm good. I'm fine. You and this team are my family now. I revisited those memories for a brief time today but it's over with. Honestly, you don't need to think about it anymore. I'm not going to. Let's leave it in the past where it belongs."

"You're still coming to the holiday dinner tomorrow?" Deeks and Kensi were hosting a holiday dinner for their family and friends. It sounded like they were going all out and it would be a good time.

"Why wouldn't I come?" Callen asked. "I really want to see your kids and it's going to be a lot of fun."

"Okay, just making sure."

"How are your burgers?" Deeks interjected into the conversation. "They're good, right?"

"They're really good," Callen assured him with Sam nodding in agreement.

Deeks nodded. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"Relax, Deeks," Sam said. "Take a break. You deserve it. You've done more than your share today."

"And he's going to let our moms help tomorrow," Kensi sidled up to Deeks and wrapped her arms around him then kissed the side of his cheek. "They want to."

"I wouldn't even know how to stop them if I wanted to," Deeks said with a grin. "They're unstoppable forces of nature."

"That's right, and don't you forget it." Bertie ruffled Deeks' hair as he rolled his eyes. "Anyone want another burger?"

They assured Bertie and Deeks that they were more than satisfied and everyone settled down to finish their meals, their sense of team, friendship and family stronger than ever.


End file.
